I was flicking through my notebook today. I have two pictures in there, one of some peaches on a peach tree and the other of some flowers on a magnolia tree. I looked at the one of the peach tree and it's silly really because what hit me about the picture was how real the tree looked.
I think lately and probably mainly because of fear i've been failing to grasp hold of just how real the promises that God has made to me are. It's not that i didn't believe they were real but I guess I just didn't real grasp hold of what those promises really meant (I still don't really know if I do fully, but wow did it hit me).
It's funny sometimes how things just don't seem real. I guess I've been going through a lot and have been a bit scared of getting hurt. But I don't want to live a life lived in fear. It's time for me to start trusting, believing and taking risks again.
Tuesday 15 December 2009
Saturday 28 November 2009
Seasons and Hope
There are definately life seasons, and I've been praying about it a lot lately, because everytime I have spoken to someone about how they are doing this year I hear troubles, trials, heartache, heartbreak, depression and struggle.
Thankfully I do believe the season is changing and it's evident in the changes that are happening not just in my own life but in the lives of my friends too. There are lots of people moving home, some more positive things that people having been praying or wishing for happening, and people making big life changes, taking big steps and decisions about their lives. For the most part this seems very positive to me. There are bound to be things that go wrong, or should I say don't go to plan in this season, but I think miraculously despite all the horrible things that have happened, people seem to have found something new to hope for.
Hope's been a big topic with me lately and it's been something I've been praying for for people, as there seems to have been a lot of hopelessness going around.
Something I've definately been learning about hope though, the difference between false hope and true hope. Sometimes I think we can get so bogged down with false hope, that is hope for things that aren't going to come to fruition, we can miss the real hope that will and I think is at least for the most part, be so much better. It's quite scary when I think if I hadn't let myself be stripped of some of my false hopes, I might not be engaged to be married. So be careful where you place your hope.
I think a lot of people have lost some of the hopes they had this year, but it's quite exciting when I think about the new hopes they might now be able to recognise or be able to find. I'm so looking forward to this fresh season.
Thankfully I do believe the season is changing and it's evident in the changes that are happening not just in my own life but in the lives of my friends too. There are lots of people moving home, some more positive things that people having been praying or wishing for happening, and people making big life changes, taking big steps and decisions about their lives. For the most part this seems very positive to me. There are bound to be things that go wrong, or should I say don't go to plan in this season, but I think miraculously despite all the horrible things that have happened, people seem to have found something new to hope for.
Hope's been a big topic with me lately and it's been something I've been praying for for people, as there seems to have been a lot of hopelessness going around.
Something I've definately been learning about hope though, the difference between false hope and true hope. Sometimes I think we can get so bogged down with false hope, that is hope for things that aren't going to come to fruition, we can miss the real hope that will and I think is at least for the most part, be so much better. It's quite scary when I think if I hadn't let myself be stripped of some of my false hopes, I might not be engaged to be married. So be careful where you place your hope.
I think a lot of people have lost some of the hopes they had this year, but it's quite exciting when I think about the new hopes they might now be able to recognise or be able to find. I'm so looking forward to this fresh season.
Sunday 22 November 2009
War
I've been challenged a lot lately on my perception of war. Normally, when I think about war I think about killing, I then think killing is wrong, then think I can't commit murder and go from that to I will never fight in a war.
But that's been changing lately.
I supposed it started with a question. One of the Christians I know told me that if he was called to fight for his country, he'd do it because he'd think not to do his duty would be wrong in the eyes of God. This was from someone I have great respect for and it troubled me when I've always maintained that killing is always wrong. So I asked God what would be the right thing to do.
I've looked in the bible at King David. He was a man with a great heart and passion for God. He made his mistakes, but he sought God on so many things and was blessed and favoured greatly by God. He was also a man that went to war and fought and killed in battle. He killed and I quote "thousands" of other men. He even killed a giant. Unmistakeably he was a man that went into battle with God at his side.
I look at the service men and women of this country and I have been taught to honour them for their sacrifice and it's always been a sacrifice that has pierced me. That so many people have given up there lives fighting for our country. And I have thought of the freedom I have now that I owe to each of them. A freedom that some people of this world don't know. I am and have always felt immense respect and gratitude for what they have done and for what the service men and woman serving today do for our freedom. This has also made me struggle with the idea that killing is always wrong.
I was asked at work this week by one of my colleagues if I thought war was wrong. I told him that i don't think so but still didn't think i could kill someone.
What really did the turn around for me funnily wnough was watching Saving Private Ryan. I've seen the film before but it didn't challenge me this way before. It's set in the 2nd world war and there's a scene where a soldier who joined as a Communications Officer thinking he'd never have to face combat is sitting on the stairs while he listens to one of the men who have fought and killed to keep him and the rest of the unit alive be killed by an enemy soldier. Moreover, he's sitting on the stairs with a gun in his hand and two strings of ammo round his neck. I think this character was half paralysed by fear and half battling over his own conviction that killing was wrong. When I watched this I felt angry and I questioned myself. If I was in his position could I sit there and do nothing? Or would I sit there paralysed by shock and fear? I no longer questioned what the I belive right thing to do was.
I've been told by some non-believers that they believe that the Bible contradicts itself. Whilst I don't agree, I think confusion comes because there are so many areas in life that just aren't as black and white as we'd like them to be. Just aren't as simple. And I think that's expressed in the Bible, because I know that God gets the grey areas.
So today I'd be happy to call myself a soldier and fight for the freedom we've been given today. And I'd pray that God would go ahead of me and I pray that he goes ahead of each of the soldiers fighting for our country today.
But that's been changing lately.
I supposed it started with a question. One of the Christians I know told me that if he was called to fight for his country, he'd do it because he'd think not to do his duty would be wrong in the eyes of God. This was from someone I have great respect for and it troubled me when I've always maintained that killing is always wrong. So I asked God what would be the right thing to do.
I've looked in the bible at King David. He was a man with a great heart and passion for God. He made his mistakes, but he sought God on so many things and was blessed and favoured greatly by God. He was also a man that went to war and fought and killed in battle. He killed and I quote "thousands" of other men. He even killed a giant. Unmistakeably he was a man that went into battle with God at his side.
I look at the service men and women of this country and I have been taught to honour them for their sacrifice and it's always been a sacrifice that has pierced me. That so many people have given up there lives fighting for our country. And I have thought of the freedom I have now that I owe to each of them. A freedom that some people of this world don't know. I am and have always felt immense respect and gratitude for what they have done and for what the service men and woman serving today do for our freedom. This has also made me struggle with the idea that killing is always wrong.
I was asked at work this week by one of my colleagues if I thought war was wrong. I told him that i don't think so but still didn't think i could kill someone.
What really did the turn around for me funnily wnough was watching Saving Private Ryan. I've seen the film before but it didn't challenge me this way before. It's set in the 2nd world war and there's a scene where a soldier who joined as a Communications Officer thinking he'd never have to face combat is sitting on the stairs while he listens to one of the men who have fought and killed to keep him and the rest of the unit alive be killed by an enemy soldier. Moreover, he's sitting on the stairs with a gun in his hand and two strings of ammo round his neck. I think this character was half paralysed by fear and half battling over his own conviction that killing was wrong. When I watched this I felt angry and I questioned myself. If I was in his position could I sit there and do nothing? Or would I sit there paralysed by shock and fear? I no longer questioned what the I belive right thing to do was.
I've been told by some non-believers that they believe that the Bible contradicts itself. Whilst I don't agree, I think confusion comes because there are so many areas in life that just aren't as black and white as we'd like them to be. Just aren't as simple. And I think that's expressed in the Bible, because I know that God gets the grey areas.
So today I'd be happy to call myself a soldier and fight for the freedom we've been given today. And I'd pray that God would go ahead of me and I pray that he goes ahead of each of the soldiers fighting for our country today.
Sunday 8 November 2009
First Seek My Face...
First seek my face... These were words that were first given to me in answer to a prayer I prayed over two years ago and they've stuck with me ever since (mainly because there's a lesson I'm learning at the moment and I keep going round in circles until I come back to these words).
In the past couple of weeks I've been dealing with the most painful thing that's ever happened in my entire life. I'd like to say they've been the toughest weeks of my life, (because I guess I feel a bit guilty that they haven't been, which makes me question how much I cared, which I know they real answer to, but doubt tries to get me) and although it has been the toughest experience of my life, getting through it wasn't so tough because God was helping me through. He still is helping me through.
Last night I was watching the trailer for Bruce Almighty while eating my dinner before getting to the DVD menu to start watching Pirates of the Carribean and there's a bit where God and Bruce are standing on top of a mountain having a conversation (or it may have been a cloud now I come to think of it, but I thought it was a mountain). You could see all the clouds below them and it made me think of Mount Sinai and the Mount of Olives where Jesus used to go to pray to God. And then I thought of people who travel long distances to go on pilgrimages to places like Jerusalem to seek God. And I was thinking, well if I knew if I went to the top of a particular mountain that God would be there and meet me, wouldn't I go? Answer: To right I would.
Then the thought popped into my head, but I don't have to. Jesus died so I can meet with Him here and now. I don't have to sacrifice goats and send them out into the desert. I don't have to fast and weep and climb mountains and flog myself. (Though I know when people who make sacrifices like fasting and pilgrimage, God honours their sacrifice). God through his grace and mercy and the sacrifice of his son Jesus Christ, would meet with me right here and now if I asked Him. More than that, He wants to meet with me now.
Then I thought, so why am I eating dinner? I stopped and prayed. But I had some questions.
He told me to seek his face, but how do I know when I'm seeking him right? How do I know if he meant that I'm to go looking for his actual face? How do i know if he meant something else? How do I know what the something else is? And you see God, I need to know. I need to know I'm seeking you every day. I can't do this myself. I can't do it without you God, but I need to know that I'm doing what you told me to do.
Today has been amazing. God answered me through a song. It goes: Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace. (That is basically the whole song).
When I heard this, what struck me was the songs simplicity. What God has asked me to do really is so simple and for me so vital.
God has answered so many things I prayed and didn't pray about today in such a simple way.
We make things so blooming complicated some times, when really it's easy. I'm one that definately lets worry and doubt get in the way some times, though i'm learning. All we have to do is say I surrender, say I can't do it, say I want you here God. He really does answer.
I will definately try (for want of a better word) to remember this on a daily basis.
In the past couple of weeks I've been dealing with the most painful thing that's ever happened in my entire life. I'd like to say they've been the toughest weeks of my life, (because I guess I feel a bit guilty that they haven't been, which makes me question how much I cared, which I know they real answer to, but doubt tries to get me) and although it has been the toughest experience of my life, getting through it wasn't so tough because God was helping me through. He still is helping me through.
Last night I was watching the trailer for Bruce Almighty while eating my dinner before getting to the DVD menu to start watching Pirates of the Carribean and there's a bit where God and Bruce are standing on top of a mountain having a conversation (or it may have been a cloud now I come to think of it, but I thought it was a mountain). You could see all the clouds below them and it made me think of Mount Sinai and the Mount of Olives where Jesus used to go to pray to God. And then I thought of people who travel long distances to go on pilgrimages to places like Jerusalem to seek God. And I was thinking, well if I knew if I went to the top of a particular mountain that God would be there and meet me, wouldn't I go? Answer: To right I would.
Then the thought popped into my head, but I don't have to. Jesus died so I can meet with Him here and now. I don't have to sacrifice goats and send them out into the desert. I don't have to fast and weep and climb mountains and flog myself. (Though I know when people who make sacrifices like fasting and pilgrimage, God honours their sacrifice). God through his grace and mercy and the sacrifice of his son Jesus Christ, would meet with me right here and now if I asked Him. More than that, He wants to meet with me now.
Then I thought, so why am I eating dinner? I stopped and prayed. But I had some questions.
He told me to seek his face, but how do I know when I'm seeking him right? How do I know if he meant that I'm to go looking for his actual face? How do i know if he meant something else? How do I know what the something else is? And you see God, I need to know. I need to know I'm seeking you every day. I can't do this myself. I can't do it without you God, but I need to know that I'm doing what you told me to do.
Today has been amazing. God answered me through a song. It goes: Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace. (That is basically the whole song).
When I heard this, what struck me was the songs simplicity. What God has asked me to do really is so simple and for me so vital.
God has answered so many things I prayed and didn't pray about today in such a simple way.
We make things so blooming complicated some times, when really it's easy. I'm one that definately lets worry and doubt get in the way some times, though i'm learning. All we have to do is say I surrender, say I can't do it, say I want you here God. He really does answer.
I will definately try (for want of a better word) to remember this on a daily basis.
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