First Seek My Face...

First seek my face... These were words that were first given to me in answer to a prayer I prayed over two years ago and they've stuck with me ever since (mainly because there's a lesson I'm learning at the moment and I keep going round in circles until I come back to these words).

In the past couple of weeks I've been dealing with the most painful thing that's ever happened in my entire life. I'd like to say they've been the toughest weeks of my life, (because I guess I feel a bit guilty that they haven't been, which makes me question how much I cared, which I know they real answer to, but doubt tries to get me) and although it has been the toughest experience of my life, getting through it wasn't so tough because God was helping me through. He still is helping me through.

Last night I was watching the trailer for Bruce Almighty while eating my dinner before getting to the DVD menu to start watching Pirates of the Carribean and there's a bit where God and Bruce are standing on top of a mountain having a conversation (or it may have been a cloud now I come to think of it, but I thought it was a mountain). You could see all the clouds below them and it made me think of Mount Sinai and the Mount of Olives where Jesus used to go to pray to God. And then I thought of people who travel long distances to go on pilgrimages to places like Jerusalem to seek God. And I was thinking, well if I knew if I went to the top of a particular mountain that God would be there and meet me, wouldn't I go? Answer: To right I would.
Then the thought popped into my head, but I don't have to. Jesus died so I can meet with Him here and now. I don't have to sacrifice goats and send them out into the desert. I don't have to fast and weep and climb mountains and flog myself. (Though I know when people who make sacrifices like fasting and pilgrimage, God honours their sacrifice). God through his grace and mercy and the sacrifice of his son Jesus Christ, would meet with me right here and now if I asked Him. More than that, He wants to meet with me now.
Then I thought, so why am I eating dinner? I stopped and prayed. But I had some questions.

He told me to seek his face, but how do I know when I'm seeking him right? How do I know if he meant that I'm to go looking for his actual face? How do i know if he meant something else? How do I know what the something else is? And you see God, I need to know. I need to know I'm seeking you every day. I can't do this myself. I can't do it without you God, but I need to know that I'm doing what you told me to do.

Today has been amazing. God answered me through a song. It goes: Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace. (That is basically the whole song).
When I heard this, what struck me was the songs simplicity. What God has asked me to do really is so simple and for me so vital.
God has answered so many things I prayed and didn't pray about today in such a simple way.

We make things so blooming complicated some times, when really it's easy. I'm one that definately lets worry and doubt get in the way some times, though i'm learning. All we have to do is say I surrender, say I can't do it, say I want you here God. He really does answer.

I will definately try (for want of a better word) to remember this on a daily basis.